FSB Official Jokes thread - Page 11 - Ford Bronco Forum
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post #201 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 07:01 PM
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I hope I don't get banned for this joke, it's an oldie but goodie from Willie Nelson.

Have you ever been to a one legged Hooker Convention?

I heard that place is crawling with pu$$Y
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post #202 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 09:14 PM
Burning out fast...
 
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as a one legged guy, I'm...





...very interested in the location of this convention.

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post #203 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 09:33 PM
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I thought that was going to be the Other Willie Nelson joke...

What has a thousand legs and twelve teeth?

The front row of a Willie Nelson concert.
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FORMER President Obama. Wow that sounds good...
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post #204 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 10:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elpancho View Post
I heard that place is crawling with pu$$Y
Reminds me of an old fave: Why do women have legs? Because if they didn't, they would leave a snail trail.

_____________________________________________

[Silver70] In 100 years, when astronauts visit the landing site, they'll stumble upon the little FSB rover with a busted driveshaft, twisted up on a moon-rock flexing the SAS, and think, "Man... those things can go anywhere. Screw Jeep."
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post #205 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:21 PM
Burning out fast...
 
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oh dude... that's some grade school, recess humor... at best.




At school Little Donny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
Little Donny decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your real father a big hug.”
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post #206 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:08 PM
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What is the German word for Constipation?...........Farfrompoopin.
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At times it's best to keep one's mouth shut & be thought a fool, than to open it & remove all doubt! Abraham Lincoln



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post #207 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 06:45 PM
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Originally Posted by itwasFREE!!!! View Post
What is the German word for Constipation?...........Farfrompoopin.
Have you seen the new movie called Constipation?

It hasn't came out yet.
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post #208 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:47 PM
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A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid $1,700 for each ticket. He didn't realize when he bought them that this was going to be on the same day as his wedding - so now he can't go. If you are interested and would like to go in his place, it's at St Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 pm. Her name is Nancy, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs., good cook, makes $90,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress.
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post #209 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 01:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elpancho View Post
Have you seen the new movie called Constipation?

It hasn't came out yet.
How about the mathematician who was constipated?

He had to work it out with a pencil.
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_____________________________________________

[Silver70] In 100 years, when astronauts visit the landing site, they'll stumble upon the little FSB rover with a busted driveshaft, twisted up on a moon-rock flexing the SAS, and think, "Man... those things can go anywhere. Screw Jeep."
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post #210 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 10:28 PM
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Ran into the wifeys Ex at the bar today.
He asked
"How's that old used up Puddy working for ya?"
I said,
"Pretty Damed Great once I get past the old used up part" !
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Oh Crap, Another Sunday Driver.
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post #211 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 06:39 PM
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its long but funny.

A Gecko and a Monkey
A Gecko is walking down a trail in the jungle when he hears a loud noise off in the distance, when finally he sees what it is. Up in a tree there is a monkey making all kinds of Ruckus. the little Gecko yells as loud as he can HEY HEY the Monkey looks down and replies what? the gecko says what are you doing up there caring on an all? The monkey yells back just sitting here smoking some gonga and singing. Wana come up and smoke some with me? The little gecko says sure, so he slowly climbs up tree and for the next few hours smokes Gonga with the Monkey. after while the little gecko says I sure do need a drink I got me some cotton mouth pretty bad. the Monkey says the river is just few 100yrds up the trail. The gecko says Ill be back!
So off the Gecko goes in search of the river, when he finally gets there he leans over the bank to get a drink loses his balance and falls in to the river. All the while there is a alligator on the other shore and sees this all take place, and notices the Little gecko is struggling abit, so the alligator drops into the water swims over to the Gecko picks him up with his nose and carefully sits him back on the bank. the alligator asks are you ok what happened little buddy? the gecko proceeds to tell him about the Monkey and smoking some gonga with him and getting thirsty and being so high that he fell into the river trying to get a drink.
Now the alligator is really interested in this and ask the gecko how does he find this monkey, the alligator soon leaves after getting the directions and goes off in search of the Monkey. After awhile the alligator hears the Monkey and then finally sees him and yells up to the Monkey HEY HEY.
the Monkey looks down and says fUUUUUCK HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?
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At times it's best to keep one's mouth shut & be thought a fool, than to open it & remove all doubt! Abraham Lincoln



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post #212 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 09:56 PM
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Now That was Effin FUNNY.....
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Oh Crap, Another Sunday Driver.
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post #213 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 12:21 AM
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Wearing Lipstick in a Catholic Girl's High School

According to a news report, a certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them; and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers...... And then there are educators!

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post #214 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 01:13 AM
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Young brave converses with tribe chief:

Young brave: "Chief Running Deer, how do we get our names?"

Chief: "Well; When a brave or squaw is born the actions of nearby wildlife determines their name. My name, for example; when I was born my mother and father saw a deer running thus became my name: Running Deer. Your father, Growling Bear; when he was born his father and mother saw a bear growling in anger.

Young brave: "Oh!"

Chief: "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fvcking?"
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post #215 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 02:12 PM
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Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether "she" jumped or was pushed.

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post #216 of 216 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 02:51 AM
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What do tweekers and Mormom missionaries have in common?

They both ride bikes and both are on missions.

_____________________________________________

[Silver70] In 100 years, when astronauts visit the landing site, they'll stumble upon the little FSB rover with a busted driveshaft, twisted up on a moon-rock flexing the SAS, and think, "Man... those things can go anywhere. Screw Jeep."
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