FSB Official Jokes thread - Page 3 - Ford Bronco Forum
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post #41 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-06-2016, 04:11 PM
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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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post #42 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 11:02 AM
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My Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this real slow, because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read
in the
newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your
home so we
moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last
Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when
they moved
so they wouldn't have to change their address.


This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm
not sure
it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and
pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.


The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week;
the first
time for three days, and the second time for four days.


About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy-Bob said
it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons
on, so we
had to cut them off. You can find them in the pockets.


Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really
worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your Pa out.


Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out
what
it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. It's
the dangdest
thing, but the baby looks just like your brother.


Uncle Bobby-Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried
to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned.. We had him
cremated; he burned for three days.


Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Bubba was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your
other two friends, Cletus and Buford, were in the back. They
drowned
because they couldn't get the tailgate down.


There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the
normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom
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post #43 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 11:03 AM
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Subject: Giving more than 100% 100% From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top.
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post #44 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 09:37 AM
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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee,
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly"
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post #45 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 09:38 AM
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The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally,
the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules"
from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing, we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or
monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.
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post #46 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 08:43 PM
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What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?
One hundred people who don't do dick.

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every day.
One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were there. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were there. You know what?"
"What is it, dear?" she asked.
He responded, "I think you bring me bad luck."

A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a necklace with an airplane on it spotted a young man staring at her.
She asked him, "Were you admiring my airplane?"
He replied, "No, I was admiring the landing field."
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The Jeep forums don't have the community this one does. Plus everyone I 4x4 with drive Broncos.....
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post #47 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 09:33 PM
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I may have already told this one, but I don't care...Mom told me this one, and it's too funny.

A flat-chested woman had tried everything in medicine to grow her breasts, because she had so much trouble getting dates, let alone holding onto a man for more than a week or two. So a friend had suggested to her a Wicca medicine woman, who had some strange but working solutions to various women's problems.
Well, with nothing to lose, the woman went to the healer, explained her situation, and the healer gave her a draft of potion which, when taken, would make her breasts grow a little bit at a time when a man said "excuse me" or "pardon me" to her.
So she leaves the Wiccan's house, feeling like she had been ripped off when a man walked around a corner, brushing her arm and saying, "Oops, pardon me, miss." She looks down, and her breasts grew about a half inch, so she was insta tlg buoyed by this, but wanted to ensure it wasn't a one-time thing, so she walked down the street and found a man to purposefully bump into. He said "Excuse me," a bit put off she deliberately bumped into him, but she didn't care. Her breasts grew a little bit more.
This made her so happy, she went down the street, to a Chinese restaurant to have a celebratory lunch. As she walked in the door and turned the corner, she collided with a busboy, both falling to the floor in a clatter of dishes. The bus oy hopped to his feet, offered his ha d to help her up and said, "Oh, I beg of you, a thousand pardons..."



...The newspaper headline the next day read "CHINESE WAITER KILLED BY TWO TORPEDOES!"
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_____________________________________________

[Silver70] In 100 years, when astronauts visit the landing site, they'll stumble upon the little FSB rover with a busted driveshaft, twisted up on a moon-rock flexing the SAS, and think, "Man... those things can go anywhere. Screw Jeep."
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post #48 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 10:58 AM
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How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.


Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.




How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this,
there is something so very wrong with you.
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post #49 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 11:12 AM
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RIW, you are my hero.

Do NOT tread on me.
'73 f250 401FE in the works np435/205~~~~~ 96FSB, 302, 5spd, manual BW1356/hubs
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post #50 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 04:22 PM
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During one of his campaign trips, Donald Trump visits an elementary school and enters one of the classrooms. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” says Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raises her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains the exalted businessman. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr. Trump searches the room.
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, a boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: “If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaims Mr. Trump, “That’s absolutely right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”

The Jeep forums don't have the community this one does. Plus everyone I 4x4 with drive Broncos.....
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post #51 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 04:26 PM
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I have saved jokes and wisdom emails that I liked from 2001 till now on a flash drive at work. I can post one or two a day if you guys would like me too. Most lean towards Men. Had a nasty divorce in that era.
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post #52 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 05:05 PM
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Ernie Stewart, of EHOWA fame, had an email joke thing going, and I've posted a few here when that was going. I'll go back and comb through them.
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_____________________________________________

[Silver70] In 100 years, when astronauts visit the landing site, they'll stumble upon the little FSB rover with a busted driveshaft, twisted up on a moon-rock flexing the SAS, and think, "Man... those things can go anywhere. Screw Jeep."
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post #53 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 08:51 AM
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,

when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the

end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.


Lady 1: What's that?


Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.


Lady 1: Where did you get it?


Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.


The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and

announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.


The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is,

after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she

prefers.


"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."


The pharmacist fainted.
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post #54 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 08:51 AM
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Keith doesn't like first grade.



A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.



The teacher asked, "Keith, what's your problem?"

Keith answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade.

My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I

think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"



Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Keith to the principal's office.

While Keith waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the

principal what the situation was.



The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test.

If he failed to answer any of the questions he was to go back to the

1st grade and behave.



She agreed. Keith was brought in, the conditions were explained to

him, and he agreed to take the test.



Principal: "What is 3 X 3?"

Keith: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 X 6?"

Keith: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd

grader should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and told her,

"I think Keith can go to the 3rd grade."



Ms. Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Keith both agreed.



Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Keith, after a moment: "Legs."



Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The Principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Keith replied: "Pockets."



Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Keith: "Pants"



Ms. Brooks: "What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,

delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Keith: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.



Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could

stop the answer, Keith said: "Bubble gum"



Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting

down, and a dog do on three legs?"

Keith: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.



Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that

means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Keith: "Firetruck"



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

Put Keith in the fifth-grade. I got the last seven questions wrong."
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post #55 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 11:35 PM
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I called that rape advice line earlier--turns out it's for victims.

Pedophiles are f%&King immature @$$holes.

I beat off onto a blind girl; she never saw it coming.

I went to the library to check out a book on suicide. The librarian told me to f%&k off because I won't bring it back.

I can't see the problem with calling a Pakistani a 'Paki'; after all, it's exactly the same as calling an Australian an 'Aussie,' a Scotsman a 'Scot' or a Frenchman a c%nt.

Whatever you have to say about pedophiles they at least follow traffic laws when they drive slowly through school zones.

For pedophiles, children are such a touchy subject.

It's "Take Your Dog To Work" day. Or as they call it in China, "Brown bagging on a leash."

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, you're winning with Hearts and a couple Diamonds. Twenty-five years later, you're wishing for a Club and a Spade.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll definitely not want it as an adult.

I parked in a handicapped space, and a cop pulled up and asked, "Alright, wise guy, what's your disability?" I shouted, "Tourettes, you f%&king c%nt!"

What's the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger jokes? Heath Ledger jokes got old.

Two blondes were painting their apartment, one doing the ceiling and the other the walls. "Walls" asked "ceiling" "Do you have a good grip on your paint roller?" "Ceiling" said, "Yeah, pretty sure." "Walls" then said, "Okay, hold on tight; I'm taking the ladder."

Two men are in a semi-private room in hospital. The first one's covered head-to-toe in bandages and splints. The second one, totally bored, finally turns to the first man and asks "What do you do for a living?" The first one said "I used to be a window washer." The second one says "Really? When did you decide to get out of that business?" The first one said "About the time I was falling past the 14th floor."

_____________________________________________

[Silver70] In 100 years, when astronauts visit the landing site, they'll stumble upon the little FSB rover with a busted driveshaft, twisted up on a moon-rock flexing the SAS, and think, "Man... those things can go anywhere. Screw Jeep."
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post #56 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-18-2016, 10:34 AM
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COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS
Want to know the real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shalt Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile working environment.
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post #57 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-18-2016, 10:35 AM
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Subject: TO THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 30's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's..


First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank
while they
carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for
diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright
colored
lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and
when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in
the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in
it, but we
weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we
were back
when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then
ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into
the bushes
a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at
all, no
99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no
cell phones,
no personal computers, no internet or internet chat rooms..........WE
HAD
FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and
although we
were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor di! d
th e worms
live in us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door
or rang
the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little league had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who
didn't
had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard
of. They
actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers
and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! Please pass this on to
others who
have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the
government
regulated our lives for our own good.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors,
doesn't it?
Rusty in Wis is offline  
post #58 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-18-2016, 06:23 PM
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My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!"

I put down my paper: "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will. ”
Weber and Mountain dewd like this.

The Jeep forums don't have the community this one does. Plus everyone I 4x4 with drive Broncos.....
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post #59 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-18-2016, 11:49 PM
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Garage
that ain't no joke there.
Mountain dewd likes this.

"When life throws you a curve... LEAN INTO IT!"

SuperMotors - Since 2002
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post #60 of 229 (permalink) Old 05-19-2016, 09:15 AM
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> This is educational and worth your time to read......
>
>
>
> Sometimes politicians exclaim; "It's just a tax cut for the rich!",
> and it is just accepted to be fact. But what does that really mean?
> Just in case you are not completely clear on this issue, we hope the
> following will help.
>
>
> Tax Cuts -- A Simple Lesson In Economics
>
> This is how the cookie crumbles. Please read it carefully.
>
> Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that
> every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to
> $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go
> something like this:
>
> The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
>
> The fifth would pay $1.
>
> The sixth would pay $3.
>
> The seventh $7.
>
> The eighth $12.
>
> The ninth $18.
>
> The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
>
> So, the ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed
> quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.
>
> "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce
> the cost of your daily meal by $20."
>
> So, now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to
> pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.
>
> So, the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free.
> But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they
> divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share'?
>
> The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they
> subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the
> sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal. So, the
> restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's
> bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the
> amounts each should pay.
>
> And so:
>
> The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
>
> The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
>
> The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
>
> The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings)
>
> The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
>
> The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
>
> Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four
> continued to eat for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men
> began to compare their savings.
>
> "I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He
> pointed to the tenth man but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right,"
> exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that
> he got ten times more than me!" "That's true!!" shouted the seventh
> man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get
> all the breaks!"
>
>
> "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get
> anything at all. The system exploits the poor!" The nine men
> surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
>
> The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine
> sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill,
> they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money
> between all of them for even half of the bill!
>
> And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how
> our tax system works. The ones who get the most money back from a
> reduction are those who paid in the most. Tax them too much, attack
> them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table
> anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Europe and the
> Caribbean.
>
> David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D
> Distinguished Professor of Economics
> 536 Brooks Hall
> University of Georgia
Rusty in Wis is offline  
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