View Full Version : having sex with a picnic table


bossind
03-28-2008, 08:59 PM
:shocked:shocked:shocked:shocked Splinters?
http://www.fox19.com/Global/story.asp?S=8083860&nav=menu63_2

(BELLEVUE, OH) -- Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex.

The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

Police say Price admitted to the crimes -- four charges of public indecency. Usually these sorts of things are misdemeanors, but in this case, they are felonies.

"What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor," Johnson explains.

The Price family did not want to talk with us, but neighbors did. Some are not happy Price was released on his own recognizance.

"He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again -- and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance," says Brice Jacobs, a neighbor.

Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids.

"Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.

This case has police in this small town shaking their heads. "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around," Johnson says.

Report: WTOL, Toledo

KC200787
03-28-2008, 09:02 PM
I read that whole post...did I read what everyone else just did? :shocked

Wife must not be putting out...

KC

stangmata
03-28-2008, 09:29 PM
some guy bangs his own picnic table in his own back back yard and it's a felony? While not right at all, people do way more ****ed up things than that and get away with way less.

waltman
03-28-2008, 09:35 PM
Having never actually had sex with a...picnic table, I can't form a propper opinion. I'll post again in about ten minutes or so...

stangmata
03-28-2008, 09:40 PM
make sure you arn't in a school zone. But more importantly, be sure you are wearing a condom. Spiders bite.

bronc_17113
03-28-2008, 09:41 PM
instead of crabs he caught termites?

ScorpionBoy
03-28-2008, 09:42 PM
:histerica:histerica:histerica:histerica

Fireguy50
03-28-2008, 09:44 PM
who would video tape such a thing :twak :shrug

jackedupbronco
03-28-2008, 10:00 PM
who would video tape such a thing :twak :shrug

Thats what I was thinking, there the ones that should be charged.

godless
03-28-2008, 10:14 PM
Wow, well I hope the picnic table didnt get into any trouble.

Oh and I love how they say "The neighbor that wants to be anonymous". As if its going to take that guy a real long time to figure out who the asshole that turned him is. LOL Uh lets see, its either the guy to the left of me, or to the right of me????

bossind
03-28-2008, 10:19 PM
Imagine if he got stuck? Explain that to the doc in ER.

SigEpBlue
03-28-2008, 10:22 PM
Ah, Northwest Ohio and Southeast Michigan. You never fail to impress/shock/embarrass me.


:histerica

I don't think the felony status will stick unless he was doing it in the middle of the day on a weekday. If the letter of the law says that it must have been at a time when children were LIKELY to see, then that rules him out if it was at night or on a weekend, right? Don't think I don't believe this dude is messed up or doesn't deserve to get something for screwing a picnic table, but getting a guy on a felony should be reserved for things that are more-deserving.

Judge should sentence him to washing and painting ALL picnic tables in public parks throughout the county. :D

1clean5.8
03-28-2008, 10:46 PM
Imagine if he got stuck? Explain that to the doc in ER.

o had to call his buddies to get load him up in the back of there truck.

whitey
03-28-2008, 10:53 PM
think the wife will make him and the table get their own place. or maybe she will be up for a threesum.

i would sew the neighbor or at least want the money they made on the e-net but who knows maybe his nieghbor is that guy from cheaters.

Billingslee
03-28-2008, 10:56 PM
"Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids. " too bad for the kids but

HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHahahahahaha


this might be the funniest thing ive ever read.

95thebroncoman351
03-28-2008, 11:07 PM
Ah, Northwest Ohio and Southeast Michigan. You never fail to impress/shock/embarrass me.




yea after living there(northwest ohio) for two years im not surprised in the least

bigbroncojeff
03-28-2008, 11:09 PM
Judge should sentence him to washing and painting ALL picnic tables in public parks throughout the county. :D

hell no... that's like sending a pedophile to clean the kiddie pool or something


but holy shit... having sex with a picnic table:rofl:

Justshootme84
03-28-2008, 11:10 PM
Another nominee for this year's Darwin award!!! The school kids should be in the classrooms from 10:30-12:00 noon, so he should be safe to get a little wood. His wife must be really ugly...

You can do stuff like that out in the country and not get videotaped. maybe he should move to the hills.

Ranger429
03-29-2008, 12:20 AM
:histerica Fawkin priceless.


It takes balls to screw the picnic table but it takes an even bigger set to go home after that and face the wife or the neighbors.

Gillamonster
03-29-2008, 12:45 AM
I hope it was a plastic table, splinters would be epic

96GreenMonster
03-29-2008, 12:49 AM
"to each their own"

i like banging women. he likes picnic tables.

in all seriousness.....friggen weird. He will be charged with being a sex offender i bet. I know pissing in public can make you a registared sex offender.

96blkbeauty
03-29-2008, 12:49 AM
:histerica Fawkin priceless.


It takes balls to screw the picnic table but it takes an even bigger set to go home after that and face the wife or the neighbors.

:rofl:

No shit.

People are messed up

bossind
03-29-2008, 07:45 AM
I'll never look at a picnic table the same....