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negative creep
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so i had to write a paper on the problem of poverty in america for my uberfeminist econ teacher. this is what i came up with:

Humans are a complex species; we have countless cultures, languages, and body types. However there is one trait that no one can escape: some of us are “haves” and some are “have nots.” Since the beginning of civilization this has been a dilemma and the glaring question of what to do with the poor has haunted leaders for centuries. I have a swift proposal to the poverty problem facing America: the poor should eat their babies.

Science has proven that the natural way is for the strongest, most capable members of a species to survive. These robust individuals then procreate and the cycle perpetuates; those unable to be self sufficient flounder and eventually become extinct. Some may view this as cruel, but it is this cycle that has made man into the sovereign being on earth. It is in these same rugged, Darwinian ideals that America was founded. Our forefathers envisioned a land where any man with the desire and vigor to realize his dreams could do so and even today this dream is still alive and well. Indeed our history is littered with self-made men. Their biographies tell tales of men who used their own strengths to build empires of wealth and property and earned every dollar they were given. Strangely enough, a welfare check and a food stamp are never mentioned.

Whenever a list of influential figures is drawn up, mysteriously none of them live in a state of poverty. That is because poor people do not make any contributions toward the good of society. The “haves” control our country and the corporations that shape our culture and day to day life. They do not do so because of chance luck or because of social bias; they do so because they used the right combination of drive, hard work, intellect, and the capitalist system. Because the impoverished lack the desire to become self sufficient they place a burden onto those capable of supporting more then themselves, namely the government. While precious few dollars are allocated to welfare checks and food stamps for citizens that lack motivation, our schools have become the laughing stock of western society. Our debt has skyrocketed while the poor crowd our prisons and courtrooms, draining tax dollars. While the “have nots” are unjustly rewarded for idleness, entrepreneurs are out forging small empires becoming more and more a “have.”

If poor people are not doing anything to better society, they may as well eat their babies. This may sound harsh at first but when laid out properly it will eliminate numerous problems. Reverting to primal instincts, they procreate rapidly. Yet they are incapable of self-sufficiency, much less able to support family groups. This has created a population boom, and the surplus of babies serves the purpose of feeding the poor wonderfully. Welfare spending would be greatly reduced as food stamps and vouchers would no longer be needed. Overcrowding and rapid population growth would be slowed nearly to a halt. Our schools would have funding again and classroom size could be reduced. The prison problem would be reduced as well since there would be no new generation of jailbirds to follow in their ancestors’ footsteps. Eventually the surplus will dwindle and the poor will eat themselves into extinction. They will no longer be a burden to society. It’s a win-win situation, and the swifter it is implemented the better.

Essentially, the point of this paper is simple. We already know what to do with the “haves”; we let them take care of themselves because that is how they became wealthy. The “have nots” don’t need another handout; they need a swift kick of motivation to self-improve their state. As long as poor people are content to be lazy and live off handouts they may as well eat their babies because they aren’t doing anything else constructive.

shall we take bets to see what i get for a grade?
 

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Zombie Hunter
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That is a very interesting look at it Andy.

I really don't know what your teacher is going to say about it, but i think it shows creativity and independent thinking.

All that and.....

You scare me.
 

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Gods and Clods? Like on South Park? Sorry, watch a lot of South Park. Could probalby send you the episode if you wanted to play it in class. :D
 

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Take out the baby eating thing and you will be golden.
If I had to write a paper on that, I would follow Darwin as well.
 

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Whoa, whoa, whoa... I didn't read that, just start and end.

I just write what they want to hear. Nothing crazy, just, "Hey, I'm Bob. I'm gonna write the same thing probably 3 other people are gonna write about in here and get an A because I wrote it correctly and it's something you liked."
 

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(Ah crap. Comp goes slow and I hit post again. Where's the delete button in this forum? I like that feature on TCCoA.)
 

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I actually had this discussion in an econ class 4 years ago when I was in college. Although its harsh, it gets the point across and starts a really good discussion on what better, more moderate, ideas there are to address the situation.
 

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Sweet, I work a shit job and make 338 a week after taxes to support myself, student loans and wife who i going to grad school. I hope to be out of this situation and into something better in the next coming months, but you never know.

There is a girl at my work, who that has one kid who goes to grade school, makes the same thing i do without the student loans to pay; however, she only has to bay 34 dollars a month in rent. Interesting, I was not offered this. Kinda pisses me off since a wife going to grad school is not exactly cheap either. But, I guess that will label me one of the have nots of the have nots.

Seriously, glad to hear someone else say that and write it down in a very cohesive, well structured manner. I do, however, hope you do not have to site any sources. Man, if you are ever in WI, we will have to have a tail gater and I can tell you some great stories of my Psych of Racial and Gender Attitudes class. Now that was enlightening.
 

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I get about $200 a month working at the school. I gotta get a new job. I can only make $650 per semester, and I've only got about $120 left.
 

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A beer and a gun
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Haha, I remember the first time I read "A Modest Proposal." I laughed my ass off. I like your paper; it's a mix of ripping off Swift and how a lot of people are starting to feel, IMO. Too bad it'll never fly in today's liberal university environment.
 

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search, you #$%@! noob
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i always thought it would be best if the welfare checks were handed out only after a hard day's work rebuilding America's roads, bridges, infrastructure, etc. if an able-bodied person can sit at home and watch oprah, why can't they dig a trench or hammer a nail? and if they don't know how, they get on- the-job training courtesy of the prior welfare recipient who learned how. there is plenty of work to go around, so why not?

i predict you get a C-, andy, but not because it wasn't well written, because uberfeminist liberal teachers don't like to read that kind of thing.
 

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dogonmut said:
All this talk about eating babies is makin' me hungry.
I just laughed my ass off, but that is soooo wrong!

I've gotta say, I like it. However, the eating babies reference isn't that good an idea. I am a firm believer in the "sink-or-swim" theory. Mama birds know when to kick the babies out of the nest. It is easy for the poor minority in this country to get handouts and extra gimmies that I don't qualify for because I am a white male of the middle class. The rich get richer and teach their children to be rich. The poor stay poor and teach their children to be poor. The public school system in this country is not there to groom budding entrepreneurs, or to foster great minds. Its purpose is to raise workers to put the labors of the wealthy on the backs of those less priveleged. People who could possibly be the great inventors of our time, instead make the CEOs of large companies lots of money. I have the utmost respect for our teachers, because it is such an important task and neccessary function. The problem is society. I'm sorry, but we just can't tell Jimmy, "you can be whatever you want when you grow up," if he has an IQ of only 23. Burger Flipping is in his future.
 

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Ogeechee 4x4 said:
Sounds kinda like "a modest proposal" by Jonathan Swift

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~rbear/modest.html


*EDIT* which is probably why you named this thread "A Swift Proposal". I'm stupid...sorry. :banghead
:stupid Dammit, beat me to it. I guess I should sign on more. :brownbag

I was even about to post the same University of Oregon link, too!
 
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