Bronco Forum - Full Size Ford Bronco Forum banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
search, you #$%@! noob
Joined
·
9,997 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Something only those of us with mutts can probably understand...anybody take their dogs wheeling??



Dog Rules

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a
specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog
house.

- Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if
his own house is under renovation.

- Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided
his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.


2. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined
to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

- Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog
house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever the heck he
pleases.


3. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

-. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new
furniture.

- Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the
old furniture and then we'll sell the whole damn works and buy new
furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.


4. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

- Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

- Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the
covers.

- Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the
pillow.

- Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head
on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

- Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but
he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm
now sleeping. That's just not fair.

5. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary
resident," even if it's true.

ADDENDUM:

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead
of his tongue."
-Anonymous

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a dog licking your face."
-Ben Williams

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself."
-Josh Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-Andrew A. Rooney

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can
spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man
has ever
made."
-M.Facklam

"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his
water bowl."
-Penny Ward Moser

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down."
-Robert Benchley

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
cult."
-Rita Rudner

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current
events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of
late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are
often continued in the next yard."
-Dave Barry

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a
dog."
-Franklin P. Jones

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money."
- Joe Weinstein

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back
from a grocery store with the most amazing haul --chicken, pork,
half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
 

·
No avatar required
Joined
·
10,959 Posts
I took the lab/german shot hair mix puppy we had wheeling, she loved, she had her own seat belt ann everything. Too bad she bit my little one and I got rid of her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,893 Posts
Yup, my dog gets the same F'in treatment. I want to leave him outside, but the wife says "it's too cold out there for him" christ, if it was too cold, he wouldn't have FUR now, would he? :rolleyes:
 

·
Are those REAL?!?!
Joined
·
1,702 Posts
Most definitlet hilarious!!!! THat was great... and oh so true...

:histerica :histerica :histerica :lolup :lolup :histerica :histerica :beer
 

·
Are those REAL?!?!
Joined
·
1,702 Posts
hehh... My dog probably thinks is warm ad hell out now... He's ONLY a 140 lb Alaskan Malamute... I let him out and he doesn't wanna come back in... unless of course... there's FOOD being eaten... the big goober!!!! LOL




go figure...
 

·
Master Bater
Joined
·
7,277 Posts
A Dogs Letter to God (floating around the email circuit)

Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God,
When we get to* heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old
story?

Dear* God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,* the
colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a dog? How often* do you see a cougar riding around?** We dogs
love a nice ride! Would it be so hard* to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle'
the
'Chrysler Beagle! '?

Dear* God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is* he
still a bad dog?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human* verbal instructions,* hand signals,
whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent* ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans
understand?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti,* please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in* Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me* give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to
be a
good* dog:

* * * - I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
they* throw it up.
* * * - I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just*
because
I like the way they smell.
* * * - I will not munch on "leftovers" in* the kitty litter box;
although
they are tasty, they are not food.
* * * - The* diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
* * * - The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
* * * - The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
* * ** - My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
* * ** - I will not* bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's
driver's license and* registration.
* * ** - I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's* on
the
toilet.
* * ** - Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable
way of
saying 'hello.'
* * ** - I do not need to suddenly stand* straight up when I'm lying
under
the coffee table.
* * ** - I must shake the* rainwater out of my fur before entering the
house.
* * ** - I will not throw up* in the car.
* * ** - I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my* butt
across the carpet
* * ** - I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
crotch
when company is over
* * ** - The cat is not a squeaky toy;* So when I play with him and he
makes that noise, it's usually not a good* thing.


Dear God:
May I have my testicles* back?
 

·
FSB's Resident A$$HOLE
Joined
·
2,644 Posts
right now back home i have a part chow part i dunno, lol. when i get my house at school next year im looking forward to purchasing a red heeler. i have always wanted one, and this is my chance. and it will get the best treatment since i dont have a significant other or kids!

wes
 

·
FSB's Resident A$$HOLE
Joined
·
2,644 Posts
its a type of cow dog, search on google images and you will see one

wes
 

·
Original FSB.COM Owner
Joined
·
9,560 Posts
- Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

- Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the
covers.

- Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the
pillow.

- Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head
on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

- Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed
how true, so very true, me and my wife and 2 dogs all sleep in the same bed, very night, luckily Sampson is only about 8 pounds and Maggie is maybe 5 soaking wet
 

·
scrounger extrordinaire
Joined
·
4,775 Posts
my male akita is a great dog. my female akita...she is great too, just a bitch sometimes. i gotta remember to cover the ground beef while i drain the grease. i also gotta stop leaving my goodcents subs on the couch while i run to the corner for pringles. shes had 2 so far. its my fault. i love my dogs. there is a great paul harvey deal about dogs that will make you cry. so please dont post it here. i thought a red healer was a coon dog?
 

·
hates EVERYTHING!
Joined
·
11,456 Posts
A red healer is exactly what the name implies...a "healer" (for the rednecks...no not the doctor kind...think of what the dog's s'pose to do when you say heal..) I got a mutt. She's dumb as a rock. Anybody want a dog?? :toothless
Dogs stay outside...if God wanted 'em in houses he'd have made 'em smart enough to build their own! :beer
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,063 Posts
my chessie goes with me. she is only alowed in the broncos so when she see me go towards one of them she is ready to wheel or swim or cruise or whatever it is iam doing(she can also ride in my ladys exploder just not in my jeep)
 

·
scrounger extrordinaire
Joined
·
4,775 Posts
PET DIARIES UNCOVERED

As seen in a dog's diary:

8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on
their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed
in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due
to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is
assured.

I can wait, its only a matter of time...
 

·
TTB Hater of course
Joined
·
3,100 Posts
bnkrtstk said:
I took the lab/german shot hair mix puppy we had wheeling, she loved, she had her own seat belt ann everything. Too bad she bit my little one and I got rid of her.
Good choice, I woulda gotten rid of the little one too. Dogs are cheaper, smarter and listen better than kids
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top