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President, Mels fan club.
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So I find out my wifes aunt is being beat by her man of like 15yrs? I guess he has always been doing it from what I hear? Part of me want to take him out an beat the crap outta him, but part of me says, she lets it happen? She always sticks up for him for whatever reason an says everything is fine. They have a few kids (one I really like cause she is my daughters age) and they both tell the kids to not say anything about what gos on in the home. I dont feel good about this and Im not sure what to do?
 

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Age. Fac ut gaudeam
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It depends, you can try talking to her alone. She may be really cowed or she may have her own "weapons" that she uses, that do far more then fists. Generally, I just consider certain things to not be my business at all.
 

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I'd just mind my own business. Might sound kind of harsh but if she wanted help she'd get it.
A lot of times they are so insecure and scared to get help. They think that if they do, its only gonna get worse, and that he is the only person who will ever care for them.
 

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I guess I'm at the opposite end of alot of guys here......Women like that irritate the living shit out of me. If it is so horrible LEAVE.

I just look at relationships as you are all in, or all out. If things are that bad it's all out.


Women (and it seems like more and more men too) these days need to realize you don't HAVE to be in a relationship. It's like people are afraid to end a shitty relationship until they have someone else on the hook to go strait too.
 

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Stay out of it, it will not end well for you. I understand how you feel, but sometimes we have to go against everything we believe in and do nothing.
 

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Women that get beat up are a different breed, most continue to get beat up, no matter what. If it was me and I was her relative or friend, I'd tell the scum bag if he ever touches her again, he will get his own coward ass beat. Most wife beaters are drunks and they are all about being sorry after they sober up. Too bad, as I would get a baseball bat and make it so he remembers the next time he gets drunk. Been there done that.

Pap
 

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President, Mels fan club.
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Discussion Starter #11
Im not sure if he drinks or drinks that much? Her brothers have told him the whole "do it again an we will beat you" thing, but she gets made and doesnt talk to them. One even told her she could live with him, but she blow up and is not talking to him now. IDK, it sucks but I guess there is nothing I can do?
 

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I'm not a female, but since there are kids involved, I would like to add my $0.02 to the mix. I agree that she sounds insecure, and since they tell the kids not to tell, they both know it is wrong. Violence breeds violence, so beating him up brings you down to his level. I would suggest if they are local, to let her and the kids know that your property is a "safe zone". Give the kids a number you can be reached at 24/7. If Aunt and kids need OUT, your place is where to go. If trouble comes to you, you can defend your family. Be supportive and watchout for the kids they are victims too. Let them know that you are on their side and you will help them if they need you. They will come to you when they have had enough. Just my thoughts. Best of luck to you and your family through this ordeal.
 

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Ok, I tend to agree with the opinion that until she wants out, nobody can make her leave. I'd be fine at leaving it at that, but something bugs me....you mentioned kids, particularly a daughter. How many kids and what age? They have to be going through hell knowing that he beats her and they're supposed to treat it like some family secret. A lot of abused women grew up in households like this, so the cycle just repeats itself over and over. If they have a boy, do you really want to see him grow up thinking this is normal? Is there any indication he's smacking the kids around too? Kids who are victims will display certain indicators if you're looking for them.

I'm not sure how much you want to invest in this, but there is always the option to report abuse to whatever family services agency you have. If you want, it can be anonymous. Around here, the children don't have to be the victims of abuse for a case to be opened, they just have to be subjected to it (as in living in a home where it occurs). If nothing else, they might be able to refer your wife's aunt to some resources she didn't know existed if she wants out but doesn't feel like she could support the kids on her own.

It's a tough call. If an adult wants to stay and be a punching bag, so be it, that's their decision. The kids have no control over this, and somebody has to speak up for them if it's an unhealthy home environment.
 

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You know usually men that hit woman are scared to fight men. If I were you I would
pull him aside one day and have a real heart to heart talk to with him tell him that if
you ever even suspect him of putting a hand on her again you only have one choice
and that is to be a man and beat his ass. Tell him when he gets that angry and wants
to hit her he needs to walk away, and tell her that if she doesn't like to get hit then
don't antagonize him to that point and walk away for a while until things cool off. I have
been in a similar situation and you just have to walk away and cool off. After you do what
you need to do and if nothing changes well then at least you tried, and its not your problem anymore.
Good luck
Stefanie
 

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House of Windsor 4ever!
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IIRC, domestic violence in Cali doesn't need a "witness" anymore, just an officer to see the situation to arrest and book the abuser. So just make an anonymous call from a payphone from near their house, and let the police handle it.
 

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x2 on the kids. Talk to them and make sure they are ok and not getting hurt and tell them this is not normal behavior.

There is NO excuse for anyone to endure that. If she wants to leave there is nothing stopping her. As far as I'm concerned, it's just as much her fault as his. She's got plenty of people around her that have spoken to her and she apparently gets mad at them for trying to help. Like previously said, she'll leave when she's ready.
 

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It's a horrible situation for the wife, but it's X 1000 moreso for the kids.

It needs to be stopped by whatever means necessary. Even if the wife protects him, do it for the kids. They don't have voice in the matter, someone needs to be their voice. Situations like this have the tendency to expand, be it he starts hitting the kids if he isn't already, or they may take it with them into their adulthood. It cannot be allowed to continue.

Take him aside and issue the ultimatum and leave no doubt in his mind that you mean it.
 

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Hell, I'm a female and I don't know what to do. It's a hell of a thing.

So you try to step in, have your wife say something to her - and she doesn't want help. Or she does. But from the sounds of it she doesn't. The abused let themselves be abused. They have to decide when they've had enough, no-one can tell them "This ain't right." You wife's aunt may never speak to you guys again if confronted. And you may not see the kids.

Or you tell him you'll kick his ass. Be prepared for the family to rip apart. She'll defend him. She's had a lot of practice. Again, you won't see the kids.

Or you call the authorities. She'll defend him. Family rips apart if she finds out it was you. But maybe the kids are safe - and that's the most important thing. Or maybe they get taken out of the house and don't have you and your wife as a safety net any more. Better? Worse? IDK.

Or you do nothing, and it keeps happening. And the kids either become abusers or abused or rise above.

Grubby had the best of it so far. Let it be known that your house is safe, and they're always welcome. That means if there's a call at 3am you're there. There's no good way for you to approach this situation and expect change. No matter what you do, be there when and if you're needed.

Good luck.
 
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