Subject: Ah...The Good Old Maple Leafs
> Ah...the good old maple leafs
> Question: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
> Answer: They both look good until they hit the ice!
> Question: What do you call $37 million spent on mannequins?
> Answer: The Toronto Maple Leafs.
> Question: Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
> Answer: Because, then Toronto would want one too.
> Question: How many Leaf's fans does it take to change a light bulb?
> Answer: Six. One to change the bulb and five to tell everyone else
>how good the old bulb used to be.
> A Canadian peacekeeper is on patrol in the Middle East when he
>stumbles across a lantern half-buried in the sand. He picks the lantern
>rubs it and out comes a genie. The genie tells the peacekeeper he can
>him one wish - anything he wants. Thinking, the peacekeeper pulls a map
>the region out of his back pocket and says he wants nothing more than
>in the region - no more fighting.
> "Wow," the genie says, "that's a tough one. Do you have anything
> The peacekeeper thinks a moment and says: "How about the Leafs
>winning the Stanley Cup?" to which the genie replies: "Let me see that
> Question: Do you know how many Leafs players it takes to win the
> Answer: No? Me neither!
> A man dies and he goes up to the Pearly Gates and meets St. Peter.
>After they go through the usual business, the man asks him a question:
>Peter, all my life I've wondered what Hell actually looks like. Would it
>be possible for me to just get a look at it?"
> St. Peter thinks about this and finally replies: "Well, I'm not
>really supposed to do this, but you've lived a good life, why not just
>little look? See that elevator over there? Take it down to the very
>bottom. When you get there, the doors will open. Whatever you do, don't
>get out! Then, the doors will close and you'll be brought right back
> So the man jumps into the elevator and takes it down as far as it
>will go. When it stops and the doors open, the man is greeted not by the
>fire and brimstone that he'd expected, but rather a blinding snowstorm.
>doors then shut and he's brought back up to St. Peter.
> "St. Peter," the man says. "That wasn't at all what I was
> I always thought hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead it's
>ice and snow!"
> "Well," St. Peter replies. "The Leafs must have finally won the
> A guy buys a big-screen TV and invites a friend over to watch a
>hockey game one Saturday night. They're watching the game and the Leafs
>score the first goal. The guy's dog starts barking, jumping up and down
>wagging its tail like crazy. This lasts for five minutes. The friend
>"What's that all about?"
> "Ah, he always does that whenever the Leafs score a goal," the
> "Wow, that's amazing! What does the dog do when the Leafs win a
> "Oh, we don't know. We've only owned him for two years."
> Question: What is blue and white and lives in the basement?
> Answer: The Toronto Maple Leafs.
> Question: Why is the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto?
> Answer: It's the only way the Stanley Cup will ever be in Toronto.
>Yesterday in Toronto it was reported that the hockey club would begin
>wearing brown uniforms next year. Apparently, Leafs do change colours
> Pat Quinn took $100 million worth of hockey players to the Turin
>Olympics and in just two weeks turned them into the Toronto Maple Leafs.
> Question: Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea?
> Answer: Because the Canadiens have all the Cups!
> Little David was in his Grade 5 class when the teacher asked the
>children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
>up: doctor, fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. David was being
>uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
> "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his
>clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good,
>go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."
> The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
>other children to work on some colouring and took David aside. "Is that
>really true about your father?" the teacher asked him.
> "No," David replied. "He plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs, but I
>was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
> Question: What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs
>a cigarette machine?
> Answer: The cigarette machine has PLAYER'S.
> Question: When is the only time the Stanley Cup is paraded in
> Answer: When the Leafs change buildings.
> A 7-year-old boy from Toronto was at the centre of a courtroom
>in an Ontario courthouse this morning when he challenged a court ruling
>over who should have legal custody of him.
> The boy has a history of being beaten repeatedly by both parents
>the judge had previously awarded custody to the boy's aunt. The boy
>confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he refused to
> live there. When the judge then suggested that he be placed with
>grandparents, the boy cried out that they beat him more severely than
>anyone. The judge, in an unprecedented ruling, dramatically allowed the
>boy, in spite of his youth and obvious inexperience, to make his own
>as to who should have legal guardianship over him.
> In front of a packed and cheering courtroom this morning, custody
>was subsequently granted to the Toronto Maple Leafs as the boy stated his
>firm belief that they aren't capable of beating anyone.