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Surrounded by Assholes
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I'll start off by saying that I have been with my girlfriend Stephanie for over 2 years now. She means the world to me, and I have contemplated marriage many times, but I am waiting for job security and money to come first before I but that ring.

Im currently working at a feed company as a dairy nutrition advisor and make $24,000/year. She is a hairdresser and makes 30-$35,000/year. Last month a job came up in the government for a parole/probation officer Miramichi NB, 2 hours away from Fredericton, and I put my name in for it. It starts off at $35,000/year salary and would require me to move there of course.

I have brought up the topic of moving to Steph, and she is NOT agreeable to that at all. I can see her point. Ill be making what she makes now, and she would be out of a job until she could find another, where she would then be making way less than she does now. She figures "why move and end up having what we have already". I think she would move if I was getting paid $50,000 or $60,000 a year but we all know you have to start somewheres.

The thing is I went to university for five years and $40,000 for a degree in criminology and sociology. Next to the RCMP (which isnt an option because of a neck injury), this is a dream job for me. I've got my future to think about, and I think this is a perfect platform for career advancement in the future. So we are pretty much at a stalemate on this issue.

Ive been thinking about this 24/7 for the past week, and sometimes I think that if they give me the job, I'll just have to pack up my shit and go and unfortunately close the book on this relationship. On the other hand, that prospect is almost heartbreaking because Steph means the world to me and I have invested so much in our relationship. Im pretty much running in a circle.

Any thoughts?

-Matt
 

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My thought is getting married is like having kids. If you are

"waiting for job security and money to come first "

YOU WILL NEVER GET MARRIED OR HAVE KIDS.

Relationships are a compromise on everything. I understand you wanting to work in your chosen career field. Ask Stephanie where she wants to be in a year, 5 years, etc. be frank. She can cut hair anywhere. Her clientel wont follow her 2 hours away, but if is worth a damn she can build it up again.

You can't be a parol/probation office where you are at. You need the large population base for your job to pay well and so does she.

I say ask her to marry you. If she turns you down you know where you stand. If she accepts, she needs to follow you to the new job (if you get it)
and establish her clientel again. Sometimes you have to go one step back to go forward 10.

Just my 2 cents(canadian)
 

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Practicing Infidel
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MatthewC said:
I'll start off by saying that I have been with my girlfriend Stephanie for over 2 years now. She means the world to me, and I have contemplated marriage many times, but I am waiting for job security and money to come first before I but that ring.

Im currently working at a feed company as a dairy nutrition advisor and make $24,000/year. She is a hairdresser and makes 30-$35,000/year. Last month a job came up in the government for a parole/probation officer Miramichi NB, 2 hours away from Fredericton, and I put my name in for it. It starts off at $35,000/year salary and would require me to move there of course.

I have brought up the topic of moving to Steph, and she is NOT agreeable to that at all. I can see her point. Ill be making what she makes now, and she would be out of a job until she could find another, where she would then be making way less than she does now. She figures "why move and end up having what we have already". I think she would move if I was getting paid $50,000 or $60,000 a year but we all know you have to start somewheres.

The thing is I went to university for five years and $40,000 for a degree in criminology and sociology. Next to the RCMP (which isnt an option because of a neck injury), this is a dream job for me. I've got my future to think about, and I think this is a perfect platform for career advancement in the future. So we are pretty much at a stalemate on this issue.

Ive been thinking about this 24/7 for the past week, and sometimes I think that if they give me the job, I'll just have to pack up my shit and go and unfortunately close the book on this relationship. On the other hand, that prospect is almost heartbreaking because Steph means the world to me and I have invested so much in our relationship. Im pretty much running in a circle.

Any thoughts?

-Matt

Matt easy call if you were single. Tougher when you factor in your GF and the reality of the modern world.

Not to pry but if you two are "a household" living under the same roof, it doesn't make sense economically. Think outside your situation by putting the things that are keeping you awake down on paper as a decision mattrix.

All that really takes is two columns down the page. One has life as it is and the one below it has life as it could be. Then all the way across the top of the sheet are questions you have (the ones you've been thinking of 24/7).

You can get fancy and ask the objective, financially related questions first, then fill them in for both situations. Next you can get subjective and "TRY" to fill in answers to the relationship questions that are nagging you.

Add in some more columns for questions like how it's going to affect; social life, physical (any gyms, pools,etc), mental (how isolated is it, dealing with criminals not clients), spiritual, educational facilities (colleges), shopping, parts, Ford stealerships, etc, etc.

Nobody's head can get around all of that with random worries swirling around in it. Get each of your concerns written down so you can face them privately and then maybe share them with the GF.

Forget about us, these are private concerns you'll be writing down and only you'll be able to answer them honestly, if you even can.

That's the best advice I can offer you Matt

I've had to make some leaps career wise early on and recently and I always fine you're losing hair for nothing if you don't write down every little aspect of each choice so you can help yourself face the reality of either decision.

Good luck

Sixlitre

BTW is that the prison an hour into the woods East of Moncton ?

p.s./
Divide the after tax difference in salary 26 times and ask yourself if (X) amount of money every two weeks is worth the upheaval ?
 

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I disagree with meatsmith. She has a career and you have to think about that. You should always think about bettering yourself, you could always commute to work and maybe down the line move there when you get the raise you "need" to accomplish you goals. If she is the one you would be losing alot by ditching her. In the end its all about your happiness. If she is to be included in your life you need to think about her too.
 

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Lick my balls
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There is never a right time, financially to ask her to marry you or for kids for that matter. But, everyone in that situation finds a way. I bought my wifes ring on lay away.

As far as weather or not to take that job, you have to follow your heart.
 

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tired of your sh!t
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I'd take the job.
somewhere down the line someone somewhere is always willing to subsidise or support a woman's income to a certain degree.....no one is going to do it for a man.
I know it sounds shitty but, let her make all the decisions day to day if she wants.When it comes to the big ones..you call em as you see 'em
 

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NOBS! said:
I'd take the job.
somewhere down the line someone somewhere is always willing to subsidise or support a woman's income to a certain degree.....no one is going to do it for a man.
I know it sounds shitty but, let her make all the decisions day to day if she wants.When it comes to the big ones..you call em as you see 'em
I've seen it both ways. My, now fiancee, moved with me out to Fort Frances knowing nobody, and neither did I, and she was a Customs Broker. She now works for the City, making more than she did before. Worked out really well for us, but I can't say it would for everyone. Go with your gut is the best advice I can give you.
 

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o[|||]o
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Tough call. If you can bare the thought of making the extra $$ doing what you want, but doing it knowing it will be without her, then go for it. It sounds like you're pretty serious about her, if you have contemplated marriage. Me personally, I'd rather live poor with my wife, than live decent without her. Job opportunities come and go, the right woman can sometimes be once in a lifetime. But I do agree with an above sentiment... When married, you are the man of the household, and have the responsibility to have the final say on major decisions. Make them wisely, taking her feeling into consideration very carefully, should that day come.

Good luck, and if your serious, stop waiting, and pop the question!







Just don't get married then ask her to move right away.... you may incur bodily damage :toothless
 

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ASSSSS-HOOOOOLE
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Well, here's my .02. Seeing as how I spent half my engagement in the Marines in California, while my wife spent the same half doing hair in Arizona (4 1/2 hrs away). I asked her to marry me, while i was in the corps, and she said yes, despite the fact that it could have eventually meant her uprooting herself and having to work for a new clientele. Well eventually for us it didn't work that way, i got hurt, and moved back to Phoenix on 40% disability, where I make 40+ a year working for a beer distributor. If you think she's the one, then tell her so, maybe even propose with what ring you can afford (like Walt said) and later down the road you two can figure out careers. I say figure out how far she'll go for you, and if it's not as far as you'd like, ditch er, and do what you need to do. My .02.

P.S. I've been married for 2 years since i made that decision, if she cares about you that much, you know what she'll do already.

Yeller
 

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JahWarrior said:
Me personally, I'd rather live poor with my wife, than live decent without her. Job opportunities come and go, the right woman can sometimes be once in a lifetime.
That has to be the most true statement i have heard in my life. I can get a job anywhere, but i can never replace the woman that i lost. Women are like snowflakes, no two are alike. Can you deal with the idea of sleeping alone, without her, 2 hours away from her, without talking to her? If you can't you need to re-think it. Can you deal with the fact that you might of walked away from "the one" and you may never get a nother chance?

JahWarrior said:
But I do agree with an above sentiment... When married, you are the man of the household, and have the responsibility to have the final say on major decisions. Make them wisely, taking her feeling into consideration very carefully, should that day come..
I don't know if i agree with the final decisions thing. My ex-fiance has the ability to make 60-70k out of school in a different state. I would of followed her based on her decision where she wanted to go. We would have discussed it in great detail, but when you are the breadwinner, the final decision goes to that person. my 40-50k (that i can make in any state) on top of her 60-70k (that she needs a big city for), would have given us 100-120k a year. Not a bad living. (god i miss her)

You need to take into account that she is financially involved in her half of the relationship, and like it or not, sometimes you have to follow the money.

Discuss EVERYTHING in great detail. If you two truly love each other, and it is meant to be, somehow it will work out.

But what do i know, i am from the midwest chapter, divorced, and just had my fiance leave me.
 

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Bronco Rob said:
But what do i know, i am from the midwest chapter, divorced, and just had my fiance leave me.
You have experience my friend. Just like 70% of my friends, you are divorced. "You've been there and been done by that".

Matt

I forgot to get you to consider when you were supposed to be cypherin' up the pay increase by 26 times a year. Factor in the cost of driving back home every Friday night and back to the prison Sunday night in a gaz guzzlin' Bronco to see your squeeze.

Also, chances are good you might need a high speed (low mileage)mid-week conjegal visit on Wednesday night too. This is all assuming you get days when you're low man on the totem pole. If you start into vicious shift work (more likely) you'll rarely see her anyway.

All I'm trying to say to you is 9,000.00 a year divided 26 times, after tax ain't much to leave the woman you love for.

Sixlitre
 
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