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Premium Member
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4,651 Posts
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WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
>> > >1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
>> > >was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her
>> > >pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered
>> > >the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in
>> > >surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
>> > >'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
>> > >____________________________________________
>> > >2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
>> > >later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of
>> > >water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later:
>> > >"Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of
>> > >water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank
>> > >you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
>> > >"When you come in to spank me, can you
>> > >bring a drink of water?"
>> > >____________________________________________
>> > >3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
>> > >into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get
>> > >into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll
>> > >run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
>> > >until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in
>> > >or stay out!'"
>> > >____________________________________________
>> > >4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a
>> > >mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to
>> > >turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
>> > >"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
>> > >smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear,"
>> > >she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long
>> > >silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
>> > >"The big sissy."
>> > >____________________________________________
>> > >5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service,
>> > >for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to
>> > >come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly
>> > >pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned
>> > >over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your
>> > >Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the
>> > >pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says
>> > >it's a bitch to iron."
>> > >____________________________________________
>> > >6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child,
>> > >my three year old came into the room when I was just
>> > >getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy,
>> > >you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember
>> > >Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know,"
>> > >she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
>> > >____________________________________________
>> > >7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said
>> > >to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
>> > >Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother
>> > >heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
>> > >doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
>> > >homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught
>> > >you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
>> > >Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
>> > >"What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher
>> > >replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The
>> > >mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two
>> > >plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the
>> > >teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught
>> > >them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>> > >____________________________________________
>> > >8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story
>> > >of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the
>> > >story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She
>> > >read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
>> > >said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher
>> > >paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
>> > >farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said,
>> > >"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The
>> > >teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
 

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FSB's Bastard Child
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2,047 Posts
Even in High School, #8 would have me keeled over....Easily amused...:confused: :goodfinge
 
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