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my deployment date is fast approaching , my fiance is freaking out, were fighting over stupid shit now. all my nco's are telling me this is normal. but wtf can i do to stop it or ease it up a little. i dont want the last 2 months im home filled with fighting
 

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Biebs Ain't BabyDaddy!
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It depends on what the fighting is about and what her concerns are...

Money-wise, the best thing to do is give her full access to the checking account. I have seen a lot of guys who insist on having total control over their money while they're deployed, only giving the wives a few bucks to get by on. This is a huge, huge, HUGE No No. It's the #1 cause for divorce. If necessary, have some extra money withheld or placed in a savings account, but make sure she has total access to whatever isn't going towards savings or fixed debt payments.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
its not money. its the stupidest little things now that well spark her off. i understand shes about to be put thru a lot and its stressful for her but i cant deal with this kind of bs befoer i leave for a year
 

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Biebs Ain't BabyDaddy!
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You know her best, so break it to her in an easy way that you understand that she's frustrated and scared for the future, but let her know that reacting negatively like this isn't going to help anything. Hell, let her know you are concerned/scared too and that you will both take it in strides together.
 

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If you guys are really in it for the long haul, then she's got to understand that this is a temporary situation, and she needs to support your service and think long term. I deployed twice to the gulf in the 90's, got engaged before the first one, then married in between before my 2nd trip. It was tough for us both, but my wife and I now look back on those days as making us stronger now and better for it. Absence makes....

Good luck bro. I know it sucks now. This is a test for you both.

We just found a poster in the attic that she held up waving on the pier when I came home 15 years ago- "Welcome Home Sweetie!...." That single moment is, well, almost worth the wait. All the stress from being separated is immediately replaced by so much relief. :cry She almost cried again.
 

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Don't sweat the small stuff, the real test will come when you go. Needless to say my exwife failed when I was deployed as she got caught having some dude live in my house unbeknown to me. Best of luck to you both.
 

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my deployment date is fast approaching , my fiance is freaking out, were fighting over stupid shit now. all my nco's are telling me this is normal. but wtf can i do to stop it or ease it up a little. i dont want the last 2 months im home filled with fighting
spend as much time as you can with each other. i'm guessing she's scared of you getting hurt and being left alone. you on the other hand worrie about not being there for her and whats going to happen when your not around. not much you can do but talk/listen and deal with what happens when it does. i wish you both luck things/people change alot in a years time.
 

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Are you marrying her before you deploy? if you are, make sure you have a power of atty for her, and like mentioned above, full access to banking.

You need to take the lead on this, when she starts to pick a fight over trivial stuff, don't play into it. Stop and hug/hold her, don't let the fight go anywhere. De-escalate her, take her out to dinner, buy her flowers, give her a foot rub, whatever it takes to stop the fight before it gets bigger. Just keep in mind, whatever she's upset about at that moment is not really what she's upset about.

It's never going to be easy, spending long stretches of time away from your family will always be a part of your Military career. Field time, gunnery, schools, deployments. It gets even tougher when kids come into your family picture.

You should try and sit down with her and have an adult conversation about these facts. It's different for every marriage and yes, many don't survive the stresses of being in the Military, but it can be done.

Talk it out, make a plan together for her while you're gone. Maybe a heavy school schedule for her will help to take her mind off the worry she will have, keep her focused on something other than the fact that you're gone.

Get her introduced and involved with your Unit's Family Readiness Group. There she will find spouse's of senior NCOs and Officers that have been through this time and time again, women (and men) that will understand her fears and worries.

I wish you and her the best of luck, your job for the next two month's at home is to try and make it bearable for her. The worst thing you can do right now is to ignore the problem.
 
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